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Asianmarriages

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What Does It Mean?

Asian
/AY-zhuhn/
adjective
See above, but in this context specifically relating to cultures where marriage is not merely a union between two people but a strategic alliance between two families, their ancestors, their astrologers, and at minimum forty aunties who have been waiting for this moment since you turned 25.
Origin: From Greek Asia. In the context of marriage, "Asian" modifies the entire institution into something that involves significantly more planning, more guests, more outfit changes, and more unsolicited opinions than any other adjective could accomplish.
Usage: "It's an Asian marriage." "What does that mean?" "It means the guest list started at 400 and we're 'cutting back' to 350."
Marriages
/MAIR-ij-ez/
noun, plural
The legally and/or culturally recognized unions between partners, characterized by love, commitment, and an immediate 400% increase in the frequency of the question "so when are you having kids?" In Asian contexts, marriage is simultaneously the most personal decision of your life and a community event where everyone has a vote. The ceremony itself may last anywhere from one hour to one week, depending on culture, budget, and how many relatives need to be appeased.
Origin: From Old French mariage, from Latin maritare, "to provide with a husband." The original Latin is charmingly one-directional, but modern marriages are equal partnerships where both parties have agreed that arguing about thermostat settings is a reasonable way to spend the next fifty years.
Usage: "How was the wedding?" "Which day?" "...How many days was it?" "We're on day four. The dancing hasn't stopped. I haven't sat down since Tuesday. I've never been happier."

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